The glorious sound of a gospel choir soaring across an auditorium was a transcendent experience every time I led worship, played the keyboards for a choir, or participated in a special production. For nearly 25 years music was as deep in my core as the need to breathe. But things had changed.
Why I was singing began to grow hollow. What I was singing stopped making sense. I had serious doubts about God’s existence and my purpose. Turning off the power to my keyboards symbolically shut down the deity that I realized led to disconnection to my true self after years of torment and pain. But doing so left me feeling dead inside. Continue reading “Finding Passion Without God”
I paced the floor of my upstairs apartment night after night, memorizing books of the Bible: Galatians, Ephesians, 1st Timothy, 2nd Timothy. I must have sounded like a madman to the neighbors. I thought by committing Scriptures to memory my struggle with homosexuality would end. God would transform my very existence from an ugly encapsulated gay caterpillar to a beautiful heterosexual butterfly. In reality, I was pleading with God to help me live up to an unachievable ideal. Continue reading “Be Ye Transformed”