Finding Passion Without God

Our passion about our version of God made us feel like we were part of something bigger than ourselves. When we start rethinking our beliefs and questioning our truth, we can feel out of control, directionless, and lost.

The glorious sound of a gospel choir soaring across an auditorium was a transcendent experience every time I led worship, played the keyboards for a choir, or participated in a special production. For nearly 25 years music was as deep in my core as the need to breathe. But things had changed.

Why I was singing began to grow hollow. What I was singing stopped making sense. I had serious doubts about God’s existence and my purpose. Turning off the power to my keyboards symbolically shut down the deity that I realized led to disconnection to my true self after years of torment and pain. But doing so left me feeling dead inside. Continue reading “Finding Passion Without God”

Be Ye Transformed

Romans12-2I paced the floor of my upstairs apartment night after night, memorizing books of the Bible: Galatians, Ephesians, 1st Timothy, 2nd Timothy. I must have sounded like a madman to the neighbors. I thought by committing Scriptures to memory my struggle with homosexuality would end. God would transform my very existence from an ugly encapsulated gay caterpillar to a beautiful heterosexual butterfly. In reality, I was pleading with God to help me live up to an unachievable ideal. Continue reading “Be Ye Transformed”

Book Review: A Life of Unlearning One Man’s Journey to Find the Truth (Audiobook) by Anthony Venn-Brown

ALifeOfUnlearningMy assistant introduced me to the work of Anthony Venn-Brown. Immediately, I was intrigued by his story: a former Assemblies of God evangelist gone gay. An oddly familiar theme.

Venn-Brown has an impressive list of ministry credentials and achievements. He was born and raised in Australia, where he currently lives. As I listened to him tell his story of rising through the ranks of the Assemblies of God in the ‘80s, I imagined where I was at that time in the U.S., deeply entrenched as an Assemblies of God music minister. We celebrated our charismatic and successful evangelists. I’m sure I heard of him, but I don’t remember.  Continue reading “Book Review: A Life of Unlearning One Man’s Journey to Find the Truth (Audiobook) by Anthony Venn-Brown”