Finding Passion Without God

Our passion about our version of God made us feel like we were part of something bigger than ourselves. When we start rethinking our beliefs and questioning our truth, we can feel out of control, directionless, and lost.

The glorious sound of a gospel choir soaring across an auditorium was a transcendent experience every time I led worship, played the keyboards for a choir, or participated in a special production. For nearly 25 years music was as deep in my core as the need to breathe. But things had changed.

Why I was singing began to grow hollow. What I was singing stopped making sense. I had serious doubts about God’s existence and my purpose. Turning off the power to my keyboards symbolically shut down the deity that I realized led to disconnection to my true self after years of torment and pain. But doing so left me feeling dead inside. Continue reading “Finding Passion Without God”

What Makes Us Think Pastors Wouldn’t Sexually Assault Women?

Willow Creek Community Church Senior Pastor Bill Hybels stands before his congregation, Tuesday, April 10, 2018, in South Barrington, Ill., where he announced his early retirement effective immediately, amid a cloud of misconduct allegations involving women in his congregation. The announcement was made during a special meeting at the church, one of the nation’s largest evangelical churches, which he founded. (Mark Black/Daily Herald via AP)

I was asked in a recent interview if I changed my theology so I could have gay sex. My answer was that I didn’t need to change my theology to have gay sex. I could have done it anytime I wanted, regardless of what I professed to believe.

Let’s face it. Pastors are caught having extra-marital sex all the time and almost never claim to have changed their theology. For some reason, we are shocked, surprised, dismayed, and taken aback by their behavior as though the title of pastor or church leader has somehow changed their biology. Continue reading “What Makes Us Think Pastors Wouldn’t Sexually Assault Women?”

Winning the Battle and Losing the War

I messed up. Someone sent a message after hearing me on a radio show and said I should ask Jesus into my heart and repent of my “debased lifestyle of homosexuality.” I reacted. Actually, I overreacted.

For a few days I justified my behavior. This person made a ton of assumptions about me, dismissed my journey, and talked down to me, as if he were spiritually superior.  Besides, I reasoned, at least I was doing something to better the lives of others instead of making snap judgments and condemning people to hell. Continue reading “Winning the Battle and Losing the War”