The glorious sound of a gospel choir soaring across an auditorium was a transcendent experience every time I led worship, played the keyboards for a choir, or participated in a special production. For nearly 25 years music was as deep in my core as the need to breathe. But things had changed.
Why I was singing began to grow hollow. What I was singing stopped making sense. I had serious doubts about God’s existence and my purpose. Turning off the power to my keyboards symbolically shut down the deity that I realized led to disconnection to my true self after years of torment and pain. But doing so left me feeling dead inside. Continue reading “Finding Passion Without God”
I was asked in a recent interview if I changed my theology so I could have gay sex. My answer was that I didn’t need to change my theology to have gay sex. I could have done it anytime I wanted, regardless of what I professed to believe.
I was quoted in a Buzzfeed interview as saying, “I’m not even sure God exists.” I could hear the collective gasp from my former evangelical friends and ministry co-workers. I’m pretty sure that statement alone, never mind the rest of the story, moved me to the top of their prayer lists. But let me explain. Continue reading “What It Means to be a Truth Seeker”
I messed up. Someone sent a message after hearing me on a radio show and said I should ask Jesus into my heart and repent of my “debased lifestyle of homosexuality.” I reacted. Actually, I overreacted.
For a few days I justified my behavior. This person made a ton of assumptions about me, dismissed my journey, and talked down to me, as if he were spiritually superior. Besides, I reasoned, at least I was doing something to better the lives of others instead of making snap judgments and condemning people to hell. Continue reading “Winning the Battle and Losing the War”